Instincts
by blakeBird
Summary: Edward couldn’t take it anymore. He had hit a breaking point, and this time there was not a single person to turn to... or so he thought. Parental!RoyEd, trigger warning for anxiety and slight language.
1. Anxiety

I don't own FMA.

Hey look. Another daddy Roy fic. *sigh* I love Parental!Roy too much and stories like this are too much fun to write. I may turn this into a series of drabbles..? Let me know if you want a series of protective Mustang one-shots.

Slight warning that the first half is a lot worse than the second, so bare with me ;-;

Trigger warning for anxiety.

Also language warning. Only really one major word this chapter though. ^_^

Enjoy :D

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Ed knew there was something wrong with him, but if anything, he was glad it didn't show. At least it didn't effect him during combat... The best thing about it was almost no one knew about it. Al was the only exception besides his mother, who didn't exactly count anymore. The only reason Alphonse knew was because Ed had been born with the problem, and the younger Elric brother had witnessed the complication during the boys' short childhood. There really was no way for Alphonse to stop it, seeing as his body was a seven-foot-tall suit of armour. It had hard for anyone to get near Edward when it happened. It seemed to only increase the severity of the situation and cause more panic, and that was something that did _not_ need to happn.

Ed could feel it when it was coming, and knew the severity of it, too. This one was going to be _bad._ Much worse than usual. And of course, it had to happen at a very important military event. Every state alchemist in the country was there, plus everyone who was ranked above Major. The required dress code was a black suit adorned with the official military pin, _that's_ how serious it was. And Ed being Ed, he forgot what it was about the second his commanding officer, Roy Mustang, told him. The blonde didn't really care anyways. Mustang, expecting this, hounded into his subordinate's brain that he needed to behave himself and under _no_ circumstances was he allowed to have any sort of alcoholic beverage and if he said or did _anything_ even the slightest bit out of term that Roy would have his short ass Court-Martialed faster than he could blink.

Of course, the rising Colonel wanted his men (and lieutenant) to be the very _image_ of perfection. Edward found it extremely annoying but had no choice to put up with it. Roy was the kind of person that would actually Court-Martial him for behaving badly. The young alchemist hoped that his problem would be the one exception.

Most of the formalities of the party were done and over with, and the large crowd of people were mingling amongst each other while Ed huddled into the corner of the room, trying to regain control. It was what he was most embarrassed about, it was his greatest fault, his biggest weakness: anxiety. He had extreme anxiety, with panic attacks being a very much expected normality of his life. He was always nervous for no reason and was on some type of pill be had found at a market to counteract the extreme anxiousness and balance the chemicals in his brain. They helped very little, but sometimes that was all he needed to be able to handle it.

His mother had been the only one who was able to stop the panic attacks. At first, when Edward was younger, she thought he was just having fits. But then she began to notice the nervous manner of which he carried himself, the shaking on his hands during random hours, the way he would always complain about stomach aches which were really mistaken dread, and the way Ed was attached to her, never letting her out of sight. Then she knew exactly what it was, and was able to help her son develop ways to calm himself down. A few methods he used were putting his head between his knees, breathing as slowly as possible, putting a hand on his chest to push the air in, counting his pulse, naming elements, and even holding his breath in cases of extreme hyperventilation. His mother was always right there beside him when it happened. So when she died and he failed her human transmutation, it was only expected that the anxiety would double. And it was only a matter time before the young blonde would break.

In the corner of the large room, there was an empty table with three chairs that looked a suitable enough place for him to reign in his emotions. He sat down heavily and rubbed the bridge of his nose, mentally preparing himself. Why now, of all times? The boy was starting to feel shaky and unfocused, yet another warning sign that he needed to hightail it out of there before things got bad. But he couldn't, Mustang would kill him... but wait. When did he ever care about what Colonel Bastard thought? He just had to make it out of there and he would be fine and no one would know.

Ed stood on shaky legs as scanned the room for the nearest exit. He weaved in and out without attracting too much attention, but he was starting to panic. It was too loud, too crowded, too hot and he needed to get out. Suddenly, everyone's attention was turned to the front of the room and the hundred people in the crowd started to applaud. Too loud, it was too loud. Ed's breathing and heart rate increased. His mind screamed warning signals at him and he needed to get _out._ He clapped his hands over his ears and made a run for the door, attracting many stares. The blonde's cover had been blown.

The military event was held in a huge mansion, not unlike Major Armstrong's, but that didn't stop Ed from running out and barging into the nearest room, desperate for some form of cover. Thankfully, it was an empty bedroom. The panic was starting to set in, sending a rush of unwanted adrenaline into Ed's system, causing his brain to go haywire. It was times like this that he needed his mother most.

Edward collapsed against the wall, his legs no longer able to support his weight. This anxiety attack was going to be _bad._ He wracked his hysterical mind for coping mechanisms but his thoughts were scattered around, not able to produce anything tangible. The boy pulled his knees to his chest and moaned, clutching at his hair, as his chest tightened. Dread filled every cell of his being and his whole body trembled.

 _Distractions, distractions, distract yourself_. He tried to list off the elements that made up human beings, but his thoughts simply would not cooperate. Seeing his attempts at calming himself fail, Ed fell into deeper hysteria. He panted, hyperventilating, taking in very short breaths that simply would not release.

He wouldn't make it out of this one, wasn't strong enough, couldn't do it. Hopeless, he was hopeless and weak. This was it, this was all he could take, this was all he could take! Edward bit his lip so hard it bled while reluctant tears slipped down his face. His golden eyes were locked onto the floor in sheer terror, and he gave out soft moans and cries as he attempted to breathe. He couldn't do it, he couldn't. It was too hard, he was too weak, he wasn't good enough! He didn't deserve to live, he was so weak, he was useless! Ed pulled at his hair forcefully, trying to focus on the pain it brought. The attempt of distraction backfired when he couldn't even feel the pain.

Desperate, he dug his fingernails into his scalp. Nothing. He scratched deeply across his face. He didn't feel it. The blonde clenched his fists so tightly that blood was drawn on his flesh palm, but he couldn't feel any pain! A weight dropped on his chest when he realized there would be no way of distraction. Realizing his doom, the boy rocked back and forth on the floor, knees to his chest, hands over his ears, trying to drown out the sound of his own cries, tears falling onto the expensive black material of his suit.

He was so weak...

He couldn't breathe, couldn't breathe! His head swam and his vision spun from lack of oxygen. Ed was sweating profusely, but was too frozen and panicked to attempt taking his jacket off. All Edward would think about in his scattered mind was how he was weak and how he was shaking and how he couldn't get a full breath in and how tight his chest was and the extreme fear he felt deep inside himself. The boy bit his lip even harder, causing blood to trail down his chin.

The door next to the boy opened, but Edward didn't notice until his commanding officer put a hand on his shoulder.

*le gasp* Omg it's a bloody breakline and it broke the tension :D

Colonel Roy Mustang had been keeping an eye on his youngest subordinate, figuring that if anyone under his command would misbehave it would be Edward, and the Colonel could not have that reflecting badly on himself. So of course it alarmed him when the boy swiftly made his was to one of the tables in the corner. That was unlike him. Maybe he was just trying to stay out of trouble? No, that was unlike him too. Then Edward began fiddling with his gloves absentmindedly in a nervous manner, eventually pulling them off, causing the white garments to fall to the ground. It was almost like the boy didn't realise what he was doing at all, like he was only half present.

Roy really got worried when he started clutching and unclutching the sleeves of his black coat. Suddenly the boy was scanning along the walls, as if looking for an exit. As soon as his line of vision crossed with the door, Edward got unsteadily to his feet and made a beeline for the doorway. He had never seen the boy react in such a way. Something must be wrong.

Out of nowhere, a speaker came to the front of the room, tapping his microphone to gain the crowd's attention. The audience broke into applause, breaking the Colonel's concentration on the golden boy. He was just able to catch a glimpse of Ed'd black coattail retreating out of the door.

It was not hard for Roy to find Ed, considering his military training and sharp tracking skills. If the boy was conflicted enough to have to leave the room, it had to be something serious. If the problem was immediate and couldn't wait, then Ed would have to be somewhere nearby.

There was nobody outside in the hallway, so he couldn't ask if Ed was seen... Figuring it was best to search the rooms closest to where Edward had run out then fan out his hunt, Roy strode to the nearest door and knocked softly on the dark mahogany. It was expensive like the rest of the mansion.

"Fullmetal?"

No reply. Mustang placed his hand upon the golden doorknob, the object surprisingly reminding him of his missing subordinate. Golding, radiant, standing out to all. If it was locked, there was little to no way to get it to open up, no matter how hard you tried. It was such a stubborn thing. Yet once you got it to open, everything came spilling out... Or at least that's what Roy thought would happen. He had never gotten Ed to talk to him in such a way.

The colonel pushed the door open, hinges creaking softly. What he saw before him was something worse than he could have ever imagined, something he never thought could happen.

The child was breaking.

Edward was curled into a ball alongside the door, huddled against the wall. He was, to put it honestly, a wreck. The brilliance that usually radiated from every pore of the fourteen-year-old's body was gone, replaced by an aura that screamed of terrifying, depressing things. Ed was trembling, his fingers tangled into his golden-blonde hair. He was pulling. _Hard_. Soft whimpers and moans could be heard from the shaking mass as well as the soft _plop_ noise his falling tears made on the sleek material of his dress pants. Ed's breathing was erratic, spastic even, never once taking a full inhale.

Edward was falling apart.

Roy stood frozen in the doorway for a split second. He wasn't trained for this... What was he supposed to do? Why didn't he expect something like this to happen sooner or later? The boy had been through hell and back and seen too much death and gore for his mental state to remain normal. He had lost his mother, tried to bring her back, and lost two limbs along with his brother's body at the age of eleven for crying out loud! He became the youngest ever state alchemist at the age of twelve. Ed had so much responsibility placed upon his shoulders at such a young age. Why wouldn't he be seriously fucked up? Hell, most people were these days! Edward just had such a good facade... He wouldn't let _anybody_ know something was wrong, even if it killed him. He had to be tough, had to be stubborn, had to be strong...

These thoughts came for only a millisecond. Then instincts he didn't even know he had kicked in.

First off, Roy shut the door and locked it. Mustang was by his subordinate's side at lightning speed. The raven-haired man gently touched the child on his shoulder, receiving a startled jump in response.

"Fullmetal?"

"C- C..." The boy seemed to be choking on his own words.

"Edward, what's happening?" Roy was pretty sure it was a panic attack but he needed to make sure.

Again, the the blonde alchemist was unable to speak.

"Are you having a panic attack?"

A fast, jerking nod from Ed was all he needed to know. Mustang tried to get closer to the boy in order to remove his coat, but it only made Edward's panic and hyperventilation increase, so he backed up a bit instead.

"Breathe, Edward."

"I-I'm tr-t-trying!"

"Come on. Breathe through your nose, not your mouth."

The young alchemist bit down on his fist in attempt to cover it his mouth, and tried to inhale slowly through his nose. The breathing was only becoming shallower, ultimately causing more frustration and hysteria. The Colonel's attempt at calming him backfired as he now was trying frantically to calm his breathing rate and heartbeat, but discovered he couldn't.

"I-It's no-t w-work-working!" Edward's moans became louder as well as the panting of his breath. Roy had never seen an anxiety attack as bad as this one before.

"It's okay, Fullmetal, it's fine. You're okay. I'm going to take your jacket off, okay?" Another jerky nod as the blonde gulped for air.

Roy approached once again, reaching for the coat while debating which was the best way to remove it. The man tried uncurling Ed's arms from around his body to no avail. He was thinking about cutting the black jacket off of him when the boy's condition worsened. The adrenaline spiked and Edward's eyes went wild, like a caged animal. This should have been enough of a cue to step back, but again Roy felt another parental urge to try and calm his subordinate down.

"Shh, you're okay Ed." It would be futile to tell the boy to calm down again. Roy feared it would make him even more hysterical.

Mustang slowly reached an arm out to Ed, wiping the blonde hair matted with sweat from his face. The boy rocked back and forth, now moaning with every exhale. Roy inched closer and-

The Colonel fell back as Edward backhanded him across the face. The man had pushed his luck, gotten way too close. It seemed to be a better idea to help from a distance, but how was he supposed to do that? Roy sat up again, on his knees, rubbing the left side of his face. He didn't take the slap personally, it was simply a warning sign from the blonde to please back the hell off before you make things worse. Hell, it was probably the only way he could really communicate.

Weighing his options, Roy decided to step back until Ed was a little calmer, even though it pierced his heart to have to let his subordinate suffer alone, but there was nothing he could really do about it. Giving the boy space was probably the best thing to do. So instead of physically comforting Ed, he whispered soft words and promises to his surrogate son.

A minute or so later, Ed had stabilized enough for Roy to approach him. Sure, the fourteen-year-old was still shaking and hyperventilating, but the Colonel doubted he would lash out again. Again, Mustang brushed the blonde hair out of Edward's eyes while slowly inching closer. Reaching for the boy's neck while still rubbing his forehead, Roy worked the bowtie from around Edward's collar and tossed it onto the floor.

"You're fine, Ed. You'll be fine, you're okay..."

The blonde's breathing was still erratic. All while still delivering gentle touches to the child's face and hair, Roy placed a hand on Ed's chest, spreading his fingers out.

"Breathe with me, Fullmetal. In..."

Still not a full inhale, but it was closer. Mustang was surprised he hadn't passed out from lack of oxygen yet.

"Out now, through your nose. There you go." Every time the boy exhaled, the Colonel would push gently on his chest, aiding the passage of air out of Ed's lungs.

"In. Hold it. Don't you dare exhale, Fullmetal."

"Out now. Keep going..."

Slowly but surely, Edward's breathing leveled out and returned to normal. Roy held him in his arms while he shook and reigned in his emotions. His commanding officer wiped the tears that spilled from his eyes and blood that trailed from his bitten lip away, trying with the best of ability to soothe the blonde leaning against him.

Edward's head lolled against Roy's shoulder and he squeezed his eyes shut.

"I thought... I thought I was gonna die that time..." His voice lacked energy.

"Of course you wouldn't. It takes more than that to get rid of you."

 _I wouldn't have let you die anyways..._

The boy sagged against Roy, his energy wasted. The panic attack had taken a lot out of him. Mustang decided to speak before the boy lost consciousness and fell into a peaceful sleep.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because... it makes me... weak. I'm so weak..."

Roy just about slapped him.

"Something you cannot control does not make you weak, Fullmetal. Do you know how many people out there have panic disorders? Are they weak? If anything you are stronger than them because you've dealt with this for so long on your own. Ever say anything like that again and i'll have your short ass Court-Martialed."

Ed looked away in embarrassment.

"How long?"

"As long as... I can remember... It got worse when..." Edward trailed off, tears clouding his eyes. A crying Edward was a very rare sight, and it showed just how vulnerable the boy could actually be when he wasn't putting up a tough front. He simply didn't have the energy.

"I've done so many things... that I regret. I... I don't know how to fix it... I hate... I hate myself for it."

"We all make mistakes, Edward, and trust me, there is no fixing them." Roy started working the blonde's coat off. "But there is one thing you can do."

Edward looked up at him hopefully, not unlike a small child would.

"You can accept it."

Understanding dawned upon those golden eyes, and one tear slipped past it's imprisonment behind Ed's long lashes.

Jacket successfully off, Edward leaned more against Roy, his automail hand gripping his commander's sleeve. The golden blonde fell asleep in that position, and Roy sat like that for quite a while, savoring the moment, relishing it. When would he ever get this chance again? Ed looked so peaceful compared to his condition just ten minutes earlier. He had finally gotten Ed to open up... Mustang was overjoyed. He smiled at the boy while brushing blonde strands of hair from his closed eyes.

Edward was moved to the bed after falling asleep against his Colonel, a feat he would surely regret later on. Roy sat aside in a chair watching his newfound son sleep. The road ahead would be anything but easy, but now Ed had someone to lean on... It was possible Roy was happier about that than Edward was.

-A/N-

Aaaaaaaaand it's over. This took a long while to write and I can't say I'm sad it's over. During the first part of this chapter, it was supposed to display Edward's thoughts, so that's why it's kind of all scattered and repetitive.

Sorry for the rushed ending, I'll try to work on not doing that in the future.

Please review, it encourages me to write more. ^_^

Let me know if you want more, maybe even a part two?

Thanks so much for reading :)


	2. Announcement

Hey there!

So this is a kind of update about what will be happening with this story.

I have decided that I don't quite like the whole "bunch of one-shots" thing that's happening here, so I'm gonna take the chapters and make them into their own stories. So the previous chapters will be deleted and added onto a new document.

Thank you for your patience and I'm sorry for the inconvenience.

Have a lovely day :)


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